Thoughts

I had a physical exam a couple of months ago, since it had been two years, and as part of my new life and loving myself, I owe it to me to maintain my health. Plus, I’m fifty frikkin’ nine years old, too. The PA ordered ultrasound exams of my abdomen and carotid arteries, something that I’ve never had before. Apparently, folks my age need these to check the internal organs and for blood flow to the brain. It turns out that I have up to a 60% narrowing of my right carotid artery, so the PA ordered an MRA, which I had done today.

An MRA is like an MRI except the study is of the arteries. When you get one of the carotids, you have to lie on the sliding platform with your head and neck in a kind of brace, and then they put a cage over your face and lock it down to prevent head movement. They then slide you into this narrow tunnel of a machine, and get to work. If you are prone to claustrophobia, (I’m not, normally,) it can be a very unpleasant experience. I’ve had at least three other MRI’s of either my head or my upper body, so I knew what to expect, and I had no real concerns about it.

So, I slide into the machine, and it starts making all the ungodly noises they do, which to me sounds for all the world like it’s trying to shake and bang itself apart. I mentally examined the possibility of getting claustrophobic, and I wasn’t, although I could feel panic just hovering around my mind, should I choose to let it in.

The technician was a big heavy affable guy named John, and at the start of the exam he spoke to me from the safe room through an intercom. I deliberately didn’t move, because I knew that if I lifted my hand or leg and felt how tightly I was wrapped in this big tube, I would start to feel trapped. Suddenly though, seemingly out of nowhere, came a thought: “John is so big, what if he has a heart attack and drops dead in that other room?” Instantly I could feel adrenaline starting to surge, and panic started poking at the edges of my mind, looking for a way in. I wondered if the machine would just keep on running until it fried my brain, or if I’d have to lie there until somebody came looking for John when he didn’t make his next appointment!

Then, the banging stopped. The bed moved a little. John was still alive! I felt foolish. Confused. A bit angry with myself. I was also curious though. Why had a ridiculous thought like that, unbidden, come crashing into my consciousness? Why had I entertained it for the few minutes that I had? Was there a life lesson in this for me? I think there was.

I believe in the Law of Attraction, and it has fundamentally changed my life. I’ve written here before though, that I often have trouble holding on to my faith in the law when I face adversity. In this instance, the Universe gave me a harmless lesson in how much work I still have to do, because my mind was so easily able to just disregard everything I’ve learned. I became consumed with worry about a completely irrational idea. It’s not a lesson that I’ll soon forget!

There was another lesson there for me too. As absurd as my worry was, I also had to examine my own mortality. Stranger things have happened than a guy getting his brain fried in an MRI machine. I was not scared of dying though. If that’s what came to pass, I figured my kids would make a pretty good chunk of money in the end. I accept now that when it’s my time, then my energy will return to the Universe. Maybe I’ll get to come back in another life. Maybe as a plant or animal, maybe on another planet in the Universe. We are all made of the same energy at the very core of our beings, so my form may change, but what I’m made of won’t. I find that comforting, and very much more logical than a vengeful god who’ll send my soul to suffer unspeakable anguish for eternity because I haven’t lived a perfect life.

I took a weekend trip to Vermont with my Lady to attend a wedding. With my newfound knowledge, I was able to dance and chat and enjoy myself with her, without worrying about how I looked dancing, or what other people might think. Vermont is beautiful, and I got some really nice photos.DSC_5532

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Old Ways

I’ve discovered, or maybe re-discovered how insidious old ways of thinking can be. As I’ve stated here a number of times, I discovered the Law of Attraction and what it means for me. I’ve been working to use the principles of the law, and I’ve been putting it into practice. Sort of.

Recently, I’ve not felt the connection and enthusiasm that I initially had for the Law of Attraction and the new life I’m leading. I started wondering if it really was what I’ve been looking for, and why it didn’t seem to be solving all my problems. In short, I felt that it wasn’t working.

Today, I re-watched the movie that initially turned me on to the LoA, and I discovered once again what I was doing wrong. My thinking was wrong. I’d started thinking negatively again, not about everything, but enough that I’d forgotten the main truth about the Law of Attraction, namely that what you think and feel, attracts more of the same thinking and feeling.

Even though my thinking has gone backwards a bit though, I’m not disheartened by it because I recognized that what I was thinking, and therefore feeling and doing, were actually attracting negativity to me. That’s not to say that everything was negative, but I didn’t feel like I was making progress, and I just wasn’t feeling excited like I was in the very beginning.

I realized that I was thinking like the David in my previous life, and I’d slid into those thought patterns without even realizing I had done so. I was reacting to my lady friend, other people and events with negativity, and even though a part of me knew it, I was unable to reverse course, and find the positive energy I knew was out there. All it really took was for me to watch “The Secret” again though, and all of the reasons I was so happy to find out this secret came flooding back.

I’ve been drifting along lately, not taking some of the necessary actions I need to do to accomplish and attract the things I want in my life. I use “things” sort of generically, because there is so much that I want to do, to have, to be, and to give.

I’ve also been feeling kind of guilty lately, wallowing in the “shoulds” because I always feel like I have to be acting in certain ways, meeting expectations, doing what people think I ought to be doing, but all that is unnecessary, because my life is my own to live. I can’t live any one else’s reality, and no one can live mine. I know what I need to do though, and rather than feel guilty, all I have to do is be proactive and do. One step at a time.

I’m back on track, I feel good, I feel happy. I’m grateful that I can examine my thoughts and feelings, and sort out where negativity started creeping in. Of course I’m even more grateful that I can recognize this and start inserting positivity into my thoughts and feelings again. And I’m going on a small vacation with my lady next week, so I can do some traveling with her, which is my favorite!

Are We the ONLY Ones?

I had kind of a lazy afternoon, so I amused myself with some mindless entertainment on the television. I found a movie about UFO’s and at first I thought it was going to be sort of silly because there were folks talking about their experiences as “abductees” and how they were forced to have sex, and the aliens are breeding hybrid alien/humans, that kind of thing.

There were also however, some fairly prominent science types who talked about their opinions regarding the possibilities and how they thought such matters as interstellar travel might be accomplished.

While I was watching, a couple of things occurred to me. First, that I was looking for mindless entertainment when I found “The Secret”, and that movie has changed my life. Second, considering what little I know about the Universe, the fundamentals of ALL matter which is at it’s core, energy, and suddenly much of what I was seeing and hearing made a lot more sense. At the very least, the possibility of it all.

I’ve read a lot pro and con regarding science and the the likelihood of life on other worlds, and the theories seem to me to run in two basic directions: There are just too many stars, solar systems, and planets in the Universe for the life on Earth to be the only life extant. Or, it takes such a unique set of circumstances which absolutely HAVE to happen in the right order, and at the right times, that the Earth IS alone in the Universe in having everything happen so perfectly that the conditions were ripe for life to form.

Personally, I tend toward the first idea. I just cannot fathom when I look at the stars that Earth is the only place where life could form. I understand the narrow, unvarying conditions required for life to form here, but look at all the different forms of life right here! There are millions, if not billions of different species of life on Earth. From single cell amoebas, to jellyfish, to worms, insects, to all kinds of plant life, to the animals, and finally, we humans. Just consider all the different racial makeups of people. If we’re not separate species, we’re certainly different subsets of the same species. My question would have to be, with all the variations of life there are here, how could Earth be unique?

Now, that’s not to say though, that life elsewhere would necessarily be anything like what we know. We understand a set of physical laws that apply to this planet, our own little piece of the cosmos. Science now knows too, about “quantum physics”, even if we have very little idea of the laws that apply there. The theories abound however, about the possibilities of life made of molecules other than carbon. Maybe pure energy without physical form, (where we all derive from maybe?) to the way that time and space could be “folded” on itself, potentially making a physical point in space that is light years away in our physics, existent in the same place in other laws. There might even be an infinite number of “alternate” universes.

Are there extraterrestrial craft roaming our skies? I don’t know, because I haven’t seen definitive proof yet. I believe that it’s absolutely possible that there are other civilizations capable of that kind of movement. I just don’t know if they’ve been here yet.

The people who claim to have been abducted and examined or impregnated, or had implants placed, still seem kind of wacky to me. Then again, we humans routinely subject “lesser” life forms to what amounts to torture in order to study them. So who’s to say? Another civilization that could travel here from another solar system would in all likelihood consider us, if not a lesser life form, then certainly a less intelligent, less capable, and thus, inferior one.

I don’t think they would mean us harm though, because as one of the science types on the movie pointed out, “civilizations” on Earth that don’t learn to live peacefully and in harmony with the Universe, ALWAYS destroy themselves. We in this “civilization” are doing that now. Any life capable of traveling here would certainly be far advanced to us in terms of their understanding of the laws of the Universe, so they would be peaceful, but intent on learning about the Earth.

So. I choose to believe, based on all I’ve learned about the Law of Attraction, and the energy that is common to all the Universe, that there are other beings out there. I visualize a World where we’ve learned to live by the Law of Attraction, and thus put out positive, rather than negative energy. I bet then we’ll attract some pretty cool dudes from another planet who can teach us a thing or two.

Writer’s Block?

Here I am again, not having written anything for quite some time. I don’t know if I have writer’s block, or I’m just in a dry patch with my new found life. I feel like there’s something I’m missing, or maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Then again, the whole point of the Law of Attraction is that “thoughts become things.”

Maybe though, I’m not recognizing the “things”, because they’re not huge, earth shattering events. My life is cruising along just fine, my health is good, better than it was ten years ago. I do volunteer work, I exercise at least four or five days a week, and something just changed in me.

I’m not exercising my gratefulness enough. Just the simple act of sitting here and writing these sentences though, floods my mind with how truly fortunate I am, and how much I have to be grateful for. I’ve been letting myself focus on what I don’t have, and it apparently took me writing this to turn my head in the right direction. So, a gratitude list is definitely called for. I’ve written them before, and I’ve gone back to reread them on occasion, but writing it is the way to go.

I also have to create a “visualization board” with pictures of what I’m trying to attract to my life so that my mind can send the energy to the Universe when I look at it. I bought some meditation soundtracks that I haven’t really taken advantage of yet, too.

This calls for an action plan, and since I’m writing, and this blog is public, it’ll hold me to task for actually doing the things in my plan.
1. Create a visualization board.
2. Set a time each day to meditate, at least once for 30 minutes, or twice for 15.
3. Instead of looking at Facebook and reading the bad news on Yahoo, spend at least 1/2 hour a day writing.
4. Write a gratefulness message on gratitudelog.com, daily.
5. Spend some time every day reading or researching how to write my history of the Albany Post Road.

Now, since I’ve posted my plan here, I’ll have to check in on my blog daily, and since I’ll already be here, so to speak, I might as well write something. I often feel like I have nothing to say, but I usually find that the words come if I just start putting them on “virtual” paper.

Life is a whirlwind!

My life feels like a whirlwind lately, I’m retired, have no real demands on my time, but I have stuff to do every day, all the time. Three months ago I was bemoaning my life, my boredom, my lack of enthusiasm, my general malaise and depression. I believe though, that now I’m really living, and that’s why it seems that there is always too much to do, so much to accomplish. I tell you though, I love having a dream for my life again, a goal that I can work for and expect to achieve it.

I’m still learning, as I will be forever, about how the Law of Attraction works in my life. I still have difficulty with old ways of thinking and feeling about myself. I still have the “shoulds.” You know, “I should do this,” or, “I need to take care of that.” I find myself feeling guilty and then chastising myself for not rabidly chasing my dream. I forget that each step I take in learning about myself and the Law of Attraction, each step I take in learning how to write well, and get a book written, IS what I “should” be doing. I deserve to enjoy the ride and do other things that I enjoy also. I’ve spent so many years telling myself that I don’t deserve happiness that telling me that I do is almost like speaking a foreign language to myself.

I’m still constantly amazed by how the LoA is working, and how I’ve discovered that it’s always working. Little things happen now that I recognize as manifestations of the Law. Ever since I saw The Secret, I keep seeing references to the Law of Attraction, in emails, Facebook posts, those little inspirational messages that folks post. Is it coincidence? Of course not. I am attracting these constant reminders that the Law is out there, and it’s working. You know how when you first learn a new word, and it keeps coming up when you’ve never noticed it before? That’s the Law of Attraction. I’ve had some concerns about money this month. Instead of worrying, I’ve freed my mind to accept that all will be positive. And sure enough, small things pop up, and all is well.

I have to say though, that I’m somewhat disappointed in the huge industry that seems to have been spawned by people becoming aware of The Secret, and the LoA. Most of it seems to revolve around making money, and while I certainly want to do that, money is not, and never will be the “be all and end all” of my existence. I can see where many folks are realizing their dreams of financial success by selling lessons or coaching on how to get rich with the Law of Attraction. I guess it’s to be expected, but still, if I have to spend money for someone to teach me the “secrets” of how to use the LoA, then the Law isn’t quite what it’s cracked up to be. I know that isn’t true though, so I feel that folks who maybe don’t understand the Law are being taken advantage of.

I am working toward realizing my dream of writing and having published a best selling history book. The actual finished product is a long way off, years in fact. That’s okay though. I recognize that, I’m learning what is needed to make it happen, and I’m DOING what is needed to make it happen. There are many hurdles that I will have to leap, but leap I shall, and the ride is just beginning!