I had an appointment to see a psychologist today. I had made arrangements for a cab to pick me up at a certain time so I would have plenty of time to get to my appointment. I reserved this particular company because it’s rated number one in the town that I live in. In my past life, I had sort of a motto: “if you expect people to be incompetent and they are, you’re prepared. If they’re not, it’s a pleasant surprise.” It seemed, that I was always running into snags. Reservations would be lost, appointments weren’t honored, service in restaurants would take forever, stuff like that. I always blamed the people I was dealing with, labeling them as incompetent. Little did I realize that I was attracting these problems. I expected things to get messed up, and they did! Duh!
The cab was twenty minutes late. I started getting angry, filling up with anxiety that I would be late. I started planning out the scathing review I would leave on his website. Suddenly though, my inner voice said “STOP! Just stop. You asked the universe to get you to your appointment on time. You didn’t fill your need with negative energy worrying about being late, so stop. You’ll be on time.” Sure enough, I was there with time to spare. I changed my attitude to one of positivity, accepted that he was late. Acknowledged that the driver wasn’t doing it on purpose, and I had a wonderful ride. The driver was quite the colorful character, and I’m glad I met him.
My appointment with this therapist was one I made when my lady told me to get help after a drinking, pity party. It was when I tried to make excuses for what I was doing, and she wasn’t having it.
The doctor brought me to his office, and began taking my history, as has been done so many times by so many doctors, that I couldn’t even begin to count them. Then he asked why I was there, and I explained it all, the child abuse, trauma from decades in prison, years of depression, medicating myself with vodka, all of it. I’ve never been more honest and forthcoming in an interview because I wasn’t ashamed anymore. Then I explained the epiphany I had undergone, and we discussed that. I think he was skeptical at first, but as we talked he realized that I was serious. He then took me through a series of exercises where he demonstrated the power of our thoughts and energy, and how we affect the people around us.
I was amazed, but I wasn’t. It went right along with everything I’ve learned. We chatted while he showed me these exercises, and in the end, we mutually decided that continual therapy wasn’t necessary at this point. He cautioned me about my on again off again bouts of drinking, and I understand the concern. However, I do not feel the need to hide from my feelings. I am enjoying my feelings, probably for the first time in my life.